Monday, 5 May - I'm a loser baby

May 05, 2025

Good morning, it’s Monday, 5 May. In your Squiz Today…

  • Labor records a win for the ages

  • Prince Harry extends an olive branch to his family

  • And snake bites for a good cause… 🐍 

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Squiz Sayings

“There is nothing clever or funny about this image, Mr President.”

Said the Catholic bishops of New York in response to an AI-generated image US President Donald Trump posted of himself as the Pope. The conclave, where Catholic cardinals will elect a new pontiff, begins on Wednesday. Fair to say a certain president is not in the running…

A result for the ages

The Squiz

For a federal election campaign widely panned as lacking pizzazz, Saturday’s result was electric… Team Albanese is expected to end up with 86 seats - that’s an increase on the 78 they started with, and PM Anthony Albanese claims bragging rights as the first to win a second term in more than 2 decades. The Coalition has won about 40 seats - down from 57. Its leader Peter Dutton lost his seat of Dickson in Queensland, becoming the first opposition leader in Aussie political history to be turfed in that way. Also of note: the Nationals held their ground while it wasn’t the boilover for the Greens (which may lose its leader Adam Bandt) and independents that some pundits were anticipating. 

What’s that down to? 

A lot of the attention since Saturday night has been on how Dutton lost rather than why Albanese won. Let’s start with the second part of that equation first… A lot of the coverage yesterday has focused on US President Donald Trump retaking the White House and the global uncertainty he’s unleashed, making “Albanese’s boringness quite an appealing commodity”, according to one commentator. Which takes us to Dutton’s positioning as the nation’s alternative leader… Nicknames like “DOGE-y Dutton” and “Temu Trump” underpinned Labor’s campaign to paint the Coalition’s agenda as “extreme” and “dangerous”. Chuck in what the pundits say was 5 gaffe-prone weeks, issues with heaps of female voters and a thin policy agenda, and the Coalition had itself a clunker of a campaign… 

Where to now?

Well, for Albanese, there’s a new government to be sworn in… Who’s on his frontbench and when that might happen is TBD, but he says he’s ready to go. As for the Liberals, they need to replace Dutton, with Treasury spokesman Angus Taylor and deputy leader Sussan Ley floated as the frontrunners. The Greens also have some work to do after they delivered patchy results, and there will be a bit of a deeper look at the 'teals' as their first-term candidates delivered strong results. And then, as Barnaby Joyce knows, life goes on... Fresh from winning his fifth term, the former Nats leader will undergo surgery for prostate cancer today, revealing yesterday that he’s been keeping mum about his diagnosis for fear “it would turn into a bit of a circus”. He’s encouraged men of a certain age to get a PSA test.

Blindingly easy home improvement

Weekends are prime time for tackling home improvement projects, and changing your blinds might be a good place to start. Not only can they make your place more energy efficient, they can make it look a million bucks (or maybe $5 million if you're in a property hotspot...). For an easy home upgrade, get a consultation and quote now with DIYBlinds - they're also offering a 15% discount and a 30-day price lock in, so get on it.

Squiz the Rest

We weren’t the only ones at the polls…

Singaporeans also held their general election over the weekend, returning the ruling People's Action Party (PAP), led by PM Lawrence Wong. Like in Oz, the campaign was dominated by concerns over cost of living and the economy, and the PAP romped to victory in a landslide, clinching 65.6% of the vote. Having been in power since 1959, it's one of the longest-ruling parties in the world, but it was Wong's first election after he took over in May last year. Its main opposition is the centre-left Workers' Party, which won 10 of the 97 seats up for grabs. And as we mentioned with our election, reports say voters were spooked by fears of global instability and opted to stay with the "safety" of the PAP, something Wong said "will put Singapore in a better position to face this turbulent world".

A Royal olive branch

Prince Harry has sat down for another tell-all interview after losing his latest court battle over his family’s security arrangements (or lack thereof…) in the UK. To recap - on Friday, the UK Court of Appeal ruled that the Sussexes are not entitled to publicly-funded security while they're in the UK after Prince Harry and his wife Meghan "stepped away" in 2020. That left Prince Harry telling the BBC that he "can't see a world" in which he returns to the UK to live anytime soon. But he's hoping to reconcile with the Royal family, saying he doesn't know "how much longer my father has". That's a reference to the cancer King Charles has been battling for more than 12 months. The 2 still aren't speaking, so Prince Harry's got his fingers crossed they can patch things up - but no word from the King yet…

Sharing a surprise announcement

Billionaire investor Warren Buffett has sprung a surprise on his shareholders, announcing he’ll retire from Berkshire Hathaway at the end of the year after 60 years at the helm. Buffett’s name is synonymous with investing in shares, and his talent for picking winning stocks and teaching others how to, earned him the nickname “the Oracle of Omaha” - a reference to his Nebraska roots. The 94yo, who’s the fifth richest person in the world, previously said he’d never retire, so the news also came as a shock to his successor Greg Abel, who was given no warning it was coming. Abel said he “couldn’t be more humbled and honoured” to take over the investment company - and, in a sign Buffett believes he’s picked another winner, he’s pledged to keep his fortune invested with the company.

One person's ssscary video is another's lifesaver

The blood of an American man who filmed himself getting more than 200 snake bites over 18 years is helping researchers to develop a kind of super antivenom. Former truck mechanic Tim Friede posted his snakey exploits on YouTube (he only overdid it once when he ended up in a coma after a couple of cobra bites in quick succession), and when biotech expert Dr Jacob Glanville saw the vids, he reached out with this not-at-all creepy ice breaker: “I'd love to get my hands on some of your blood”. So began the project using Friede’s blood to search for a type of universal “unparalleled” antivenom against all snakebites - and, in a recent journal article, researchers say they’ve had promising results against the world’s deadliest species. Sssuch good news…

When the monsters take over…

In this case, we're referring to Little Monsters - aka pop star Lady Gaga's fans. More than 2.1 million of them were on The Edge of Glory at Rio de Janeiro's Copacabana beach on Saturday for Gaga's biggest-ever concert, which was put on for free by the Brazilian city's authorities. They're hoping the gig - which follows a similarly huge Madonna event last year - will help boost the economy during its off-season, with estimates projecting it’d bring in about $155 million. For Gaga, it was a chance to promote her eighth album Mayhem, along with her upcoming world tour, which includes her first Aussie shows in years. Her fans - many of whom queued for hours - said it was worth the wait, with one describing it as "the best day of my life". So, no Bad Romance there…

Apropos of Nothing

We’ve heard of Italian handbags being sold as fakes, and now artichokes have been added to the list… Castraùra, a Venetian violet artichoke, is harvested by hand and is only available for 2 weeks, so buyers have been warned to watch out for counterfeit versions - even in restaurants... 

In an ode to America's mining history, where men would run with their burros - aka donkeys - to the land office, 70 teams have competed in wild burro races in New Mexico. The animals carry a saddle, pick, pan, and shovel as a nod to the past - but they don’t always move at the same pace as their runners, or in some cases, at all…

And staying trackside… The Kentucky Derby, which was run on the weekend, is known as a celebration of weird, wonderful and downright enormous hats - so here’s a collection of this year’s finest. Giddy up… 

Squiz the Day

A public holiday for Queensland (Labour Day) and the Northern Territory (May Day)

6.00am (AEST) - Motorsport: F1, Miami Grand Prix - Miami, US, you can watch Oscar Piastri in action on Kayo 

Westpac is due to announce its half-year results

It’s Cinco de Mayo in Mexico, marking the anniversary of the 1862 victory over invading French forces by Mexican troops at the Battle of Puebla

❤️ Heart Week

UN Forum on Forests is being held (until 9 May) 

World Portuguese Language Day 

Liberation Day in the Netherlands to remember 1945’s end to the Nazi Occupation 

A birthday for Adele (1988)

Anniversary of:

  • the birthday of Karl Marx (1818)

  • the death of Napoléon Bonaparte (1821)

  • Carnegie Hall opening in New York with Tchaikovsky as guest conductor (1891)

  • Perfume Chanel No 5 released by fashion designer Coco Chanel (1921)

  • The World Health Organization ending the disease’s emergency declaration status after 3 years (2023)