Tuesday, 1 April - Upside down you're turning me

Good morning, it’s Tuesday, 1 April. In your Squiz Today…

• Record floods are causing devastation for farmers in the outback

• Aussie agencies are keeping tabs on another Chinese ship in our waters

• And a new trend hits the sweet spot… 🥂🍨

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Squiz the Weather

Squiz Sayings

Said Coalition leader Peter Dutton on Kyle and Jackie O’s radio show yesterday, breaking the hearts of Labor-voting Canberrans - and any Coalition supporters there (if there is such a thing…). ACT Senator/Finance Minister Katy Gallagher said Dutton was “arrogantly measuring the curtains at Kirribilli House” - with those views, they wouldn’t be closed much…

Devastation in the outback

The Squiz

The flooding in inland Queensland is going from bad to worse after parts of the state were inundated by more than a year’s worth of rain in the past week. A 1974 record in the state’s west has been toppled after more than 450mm fell in 7 days, turning the region into what looks like a never-ending lake. To put that in context, the small town of Quilpie - more than 1,000km west of Brisbane - normally gets less than 300mm of rain per year… Local officials say it’s the worst flood in Outback Queensland’s history - and there’s more rain on the way. The Bureau of Meteorology says there could be problems “for months”.

That sounds ominous…

One of the biggest issues is that inland Queensland and Northern NSW (where the water is flowing down into…) is agricultural land, and farmers have been warned we’re in for huge livestock losses. Shane McCarthy, the president of the state’s peak farmers’ body Agforce Queensland, says some graziers “have lost 100% of their stock”, but it’s too early to know the full extent of the damages. He says the priority at the moment is helping the sheep, cattle and goats that are still alive… Yesterday, Queensland Premier David Crisafulli said choppers are being used to make feed drops in the “handful of dry areas” where stock is being moved to, and the Defence Force has been called in to set up fuel/feed hubs to help.

What does this mean for the election?

Interesting you ask because Coalition leader Peter Dutton flew in to survey some of the damage yesterday, and he addressed an issue consistently raised during recent extreme weather events - the accuracy of the Bureau of Meteorology’s forecasts. Residents in the affected region - many of whom had to be evacuated by air - say they weren’t warned, robbing them of the chance to be better prepared. To help with that, Dutton’s pledged $10 million to set up a new weather radar for western Queensland to “significantly improve confidence” in the BOM’s forecasts. A visit to the region from PM Anthony Albanese hasn’t been confirmed - that could be because during an election campaign, plans are tightly held.

Squiz the Rest

BRS is back in the headlines

Disgraced war veteran Ben Roberts-Smith has made moves to reopen his failed defamation case against Nine Entertainment newspapers/journalist Nick McKenzie. You might remember he sued Nine over a series of articles written by McKenzie that alleged he was involved in the murders of 4 Afghan civilians. Roberts-Smith denied that, but in 2023, the Federal Court ruled in Nine’s favour, finding he was complicit in the killings. Which brings us to now… Roberts-Smith says a leaked audio recording of McKenzie speaking to his former partner about his confidential legal strategy during the defamation trial supports his claims that there’s been a “miscarriage of justice”. Nine’s legal team doesn’t seem concerned, but it’s up to the Federal Court to hear Roberts-Smith’s appeal application…

We spy another ship

Australian agencies are keeping an eye on another large Chinese Government ship sailing off the coast of South Australia - reports say it’s following a similar route to our deep-sea cable that connects Sydney with Perth. The ship, named the Tan Suo Yi Hao, is what people who know a hell of a lot more about boats and stuff than we do say it’s a high-tech dual-purpose vessel that operates a deep-sea submersible and is capable of carrying out scientific research as well as intelligence gathering. It’s the second time in months that Chinese-operated ships have entered our waters, and when asked about it yesterday, PM Anthony Albanese said he’d “prefer” that the vessel wasn’t there but said it hadn’t broken international laws. 

In the departure lounge

Ad exec turned TV personality Todd Sampson has announced he’s leaving the board of Qantas, where he’s been a director for a decade. Sampson, who you might know from ABC’s Gruen and his own doco Body Hack, announced the move yesterday, saying he’ll step down on 31 July. There have been murmurs about his tenure at Qantas since 2023 when more than a third of shareholders voted against his re-election - he said his marketing skills were needed after the pandemic saw the company’s reputation nosedive. Reports say his resignation is part of an overhaul by the new chairman John Mullen, but Sampson won’t be feeling too down - his long service means he’s eligible to stay a high flyer (paywall) for a while yet…

Lining up the captaincy

Sam Kerr has a clear shot at leading the Matildas again once she recovers from a knee injury, after Football Australia decided not to take any action against her. After meeting with the FA board, she issued a statement expressing her “sincere regret” for her actions during a night out in 2023, which led to accusations of racially abusing a police officer. She was found not guilty, and after clearing things up, she’s now eligible for the captaincy of the Tillies. Kerr’s been injured since late 2023, and she’s not cleared to play yet, but she’ll meet up with her Aussie teammates in Sydney this week to continue her rehab locally ahead of their 2 upcoming friendlies against South Korea.

Wined and… ice creamed?

In the spirit of the iconic Mae West, who once said "too much of a good thing can be wonderful", we give you the latest pairing lighting up TikTok hashtags - ice cream and wine (paywall). It’s where you get double-parked with a glass of prosecco and a scoop of lemon sorbet - or whatever tickles your fancy… The trend has taken off at a London venue called The Dreamery - which sells itself as the lovechild of a “Parisian bistro, Italian espresso bar and an English sweet shop”. You had us at hello… Owner Alex Young says he doesn’t think the duo are “such unusual bedmates”. Sure, but there’s also a case for a Parisian version where parents can have a Merlot while kids enjoy a scoop. Something for everyone…

Apropos of Nothing

United Airlines says it reckons a kite hit a passenger jet as it flew near Washington DC’s airport on Saturday afternoon. The high-flying kite was confiscated - but all’s well that ends well, and it was returned. We don’t know who needs to hear this, but you can't fly a kite higher than 150m in the US. 

Speaking of high-flyers, black rhinos are being relocated across South Africa, Namibia and Botswana - upside down by helicopters… As conservation projects to breed the critically endangered species succeed, the hefty animals are being moved to new areas with choppers used in the Vietnam War.  

Those rhinos could have done with a Lorazepam… The drug used to treat anxiety has hit the big time thanks to White Lotus’s Southern Belle Victoria Ratliff. But experts say “Piper, no” to the suggestion it’s an easy/breezy fix-all. Just try telling Victoria’s stressed-out husband that…

Squiz the Day

11.30am (AEDT) - Former PM Malcolm Turnbull is set to address the National Press Club on “Sovereignty and Security - Australia and the new world disorder” - Canberra, and watch on ABC24

12.46pm (AEDT) - Polar explorer and guide Eric Philips will become the first astronaut to fly into orbit under the Australian flag when he takes off from the Kennedy Space Centre on a mission around Earth’s polar regions - Florida, US

2.30pm (AEDT) - Reserve Bank Governor Michele Bullock will announce the board's latest decision on the cash rate - Sydney

Changes are coming in for smokers today, with health warning labels printed on individual cigarette sticks

🍂 The Tasmanian Autumn Festival kicks off across the state (until 30 April)

It’s April Fool's Day - Did you get fooled?

International Fun at Work Day

Birthdays for musician John Butler (1975) and influencer Logan Paul (1995)

Anniversary of:

• the ruins of Pompeii being rediscovered (1748)

• US businessman Oliver Pollock creating the $ symbol (1778)

• Steve Wozniak and Steve Jobs founding Apple Computer (1976)

• the Netherlands becoming the first country in the world to legalise same-sex marriage (2001) and euthanasia (2002)